i know your story because it is mine, i looked at our picture two young people so in love, our future in front of us, so many dreams, so much we wanted to accomplish. I can not pin point the moment the sadness began, it could have been from the beginning. I have actually never been as sad as you. Until we could not have children, it started with the first pregnancy, lost. The next an emergency ectopic, soon to be followed a month later with yet another surgery because it was twins. Thirteen years of infertility treatment. To find out our final attempt on Mother's day was unsuccessful. Me suffering all of the physical issues of treatment, so many drugs, shots, hormones, poking and pushing. You suffering the mental without the physical, me saying I could not do it anymore, my body was done. Me not telling you that my mind was done too. Ten years have now passed, the death of my father, your declining health, when I think the sadness has reached saturation, I am again reminded that there is a deeper well, we have not reached the bottom of the pit. There is more sadness to experience. Today I had to leave you after you had a seizure, and impossible position but I must keep my job for the insurance and the income. Lord whose cereal did I crap in, why is it that two people who love each other as much as we do must continue to suffer. What are we proving? We rarely question you, we understand that our lives may actually be brighter than the person in the car next to us. But today, I was angry, just pissed off at you and the journey that you are putting us thru. When I saw my husband scared, and alone I was pissed. Pissed at the world. Pissed at you Lord. What did I do? I turned to you and prayed. I am either filled with faith, or possibly the stupidest person on this earth.
